G WHIZ- THE 33 DEGREES OF FREEMASONRY
1. Good– you learn to say “good” a lot.
2. Great– you upgrade to “great.” (Tony the Tiger is a different degree, this is merely great.)
3. Grand– you start to scratch people's palms when you shake hands.
4. Groovy– you find out that some of the hippies had masonic tendencies or were children of masons.
5. Golf– you’ve visited the country club by now.
6. Goyim– you realize a lot of it is ripped off from Jews.
7. Google– the whole thing’s a masonic plot. (Applies to many different entities like Groupon, Goldman-Sachs, Georgia)
8. Garden– you get to wear a shriner hat and pretend to learn sufism.
9. Gas– you realize that the gas company markings spraypainted on the city sidewalks are all secret pointers.
10. Guillotine– you realize you’re supposed to lynch people.
11. Ghosts– they’re real-ish. Well, there’s something in them old paintings, anyway.
12. Gary– the name of the pastor at the church on the corner.
13. Guv’ner– oh shit, this is all a British thing!
14. Gravy– coast along, nothing to worry about. We stole it from Voodoo.
15. Gout– what you get from too much gravy.
16. Goddess– ignore her.
17. Garbage Union– the most powerful force in civilization.
18. G'd– this is his magical number. (You’re way into numbers by now.)
19. Grief– wait, what? I have to do what?
20. Gay– yeah, now that you mention it, there is a certain VIBE at these ceremonies.
21. Got in over my head– eh, keep going.
22. Gone– now we’re hearing voices.
23. Groomed– round peg, square hole.
24. General– we have computers, weapons, and vehicles.
25. Great Architect– You find out that Tony the Tiger created the universe.
26. Grammar– there are extra, secret letters in the alphabet.
27. Gnash– hellfire is a good thing. Gremlins!
28. Ganon– turns into a pig creature at the end of the video game.
29. Giggles– ridiculousness…
30. Gozer– we’re supposed to bring about the end of the world.
31. Ghostbuster– no wait, we’re supposed to stop it.
32. Government– well, only in the States.
33. The snake eating its own tail– brought to you by the letter “G!”
(Higher degrees are allowed to use the new logo: an alchemical glyph.)