Lisa,

Here are some things that are getting me worked up:

1.) My mom.¹ Classic. Guinevere is a total, devout rightwinger. I can't communicate with someone like this. Isn't it weird that I'm a victim of the healthcare gap in this country, and yet my mom is totally opposed to universal healthcare, or any kind of government healthcare, because... well, she doesn't know. Because The Bible/Fox News Told Her So. I wrote her and my dad a brief, mean e-mail today. Whoops! I'm financially dependent on them!

My mom has started winding up the conversation before we're done talking. Not like we ever communicated properly before, but c'mon. I just wish she and I could have a straightforward conversation about the reasons she dislikes me, and I her.

2.) My dad. It terrifies me how helpless he is. Tonight, he was telling me about how he's going to start working part-time as an ESL instructor, and I was giving him advice on teaching a class. Since I'm already on track to end up worse than he is (less money in the bank, earlier manic breakdown), it's not a good sign that his career is fading to black like this.

3.) My friend Guillaume, who got me a job, is trying to make a documentary about me, I guess. I say "I guess" because he and his friend Matt, who is some kind of big deal writer/producer, keep hanging out with me and taking still photographs of me while pretending like they're not.

4.) I don't feel connected to the home improvement show, and I sense that they're not going to bring me back because they can detect that I'm crazy, and not like the other kids.

5.) I'm going to Chicago this weekend. I'm going to hang out with Mr. Thermometer, and maybe see anyone else who expressed concern during last year's breakdown. I'm going to be travelling, which is a grind, plus Matt and Guillaume will be tagging along to "hang out." Does this mean they'll be shooting? Tonight I saw Matt and he asked whether Mr. Thermometer and I will be making music. Making music! I feel like this is life's revenge on me for the time I spent 3 months following a manic depressive theater director around with a camera (120 tapes of footage which I have since gotten rid of because every frame is torture to look at).

6.) Friday, Saturday, and today I missed out on several social engagements. Why? Because I got a vicious cold that had me flat on my back.

7.) I'm feeling a little uneasy around my roommates. I feel like I'm wearing out my welcome. There are fewer smiles, more looks of concern. My being on nights, being around all the time because of being depressed and having a cold, has got to get on their nerves a little. Plus all the rules around here that I try to follow but sometimes don't (I mean, I like that there's rules, because it keeps the place tidy, but sometimes, man). Plus, the other week I heard my roomate having sex with his girlfriend, and now I'm dreading hearing it again. I don't need to be reminded that people are doing that.

8.) My arm, my teeth, my back, my knee, my awful emotions, my rent, my solitude. My life is absolutely intolerable sometimes.

U.