These Leaves Are Beautiful, says the woman breezily to me rushing past arm-in-arm with her husband. They are in scarves and overcoats. I wonder if they know about The White Tiger lurking around the corner. I doubt it, they’re not nuts.

I find myself a little shaky because I’m going to be without a woman in my life for a little while, it looks like, and I don’t know if I can find someone in time for New Year’s.

Okay, let me explain. See, at the beginning of 2010 I listened to this Rob Breszny horoscope and he said, look, by the end of 2009 you’ll achieve a new inner sense of serenity and a place called “home.” 2009 ended with me alone in a hotel in Argentina with my family. The only woman I kissed at the end of 2009 was my mother, whose psychological grip on me becomes all the more chilling now that I am single again.

Anyway, at the beginning of 2010 he was, like, This Is The Year Of Love, Scorpio. By The End Of The Year Whatever Situation You Are In Will Last Forever.

So that’s what I’m stressed out about– I would have loved to have had something with Gwen, but she can only take care of one kid right now.

Don't get tired & confused, or God will send the witch with the icy fingers to nudge you to your grave. Good memoir title?